


The bedding incident

by Anarion



Series: The incident reports [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Dry Humping, Humor, Indicent behaviour, John Is So Done, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-30 23:44:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10887378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anarion/pseuds/Anarion
Summary: Sherlock and John go to buy a new bed. It doesn't necessarily go as planned. Or exactly as planned. Depending on who you ask...





	The bedding incident

“Hello Diane. My name is Tom. The company sent me. Tell me about last Tuesday.”

“I... last Tuesday?”

The woman started squirming on her chair and looked decidedly uncomfortable.

“Yes. Last Tuesday. You were on shift when the police had to be called into the shop.”

“Oh. That Tuesday.”

“Yes. That Tuesday. Tell me about it.”

“Tell you about what?”

“About the incident!”

“Um... Why?”

“The report just says that two people were engaging in indecent behaviour. We have security for that.” 

Yeah. The security guards admittedly had been a little distracted.

“Did you notice them when they came in? Was there anything note-worthy about them?”

The cheekbones. The coat. The dark curls. The suit. The confident, almost military walk of the blond man. The angry glare.

“Err... no?”

“Did they ask for advice? Did someone talk to them?”

Talk? She was thankful that they didn't ask for advice because she was pretty sure that nobody in their right mind would be able to answer any questions about beds asked in _that_ voice... Holy hell. That voice!

“Diane?”

“Yes. Sorry. Well, Mandy came to alert me of the situation.” 

As if she'd been able to not notice...

“We sell beds, it's nothing new that people lying down next to each other to test the beds sometimes start getting a little carried away with their PDA.”

_PDA. Dear Lord._

_She closed her eyes and thought about the tall, dark-haired figure mounting the other man on the bed and riding him (fully closed, thank all the Gods, because_ that _picture alone was certainly enough to get the attention of everyone in the store. People were starting to wipe out their phones to capture that whole thing to leave to posterity. The manager had come running and then stopped and stared without doing anything). There had been a short commotion when the blond man freed himself and darted off the bed. The tall one didn't seem to be discouraged (or maybe he was just way beyond thinking clearly) because he didn't falter before enthusiastically starting to hump a pillow. Good Lord the noises he made! By that point people were coming in from the_ outside _._

_Totally worth the extra couple of steps because that man had a bum! A bum that was nicely on display the way he was positioned on top of the pillow. Always look for a man's bum. The bum is important!_

__

__

_Sure, let's go with PDA._

“I think that's pretty much what happened.” She coughed delicately.

The man nodded, didn't care to ask and went to write his report.

 

What the report doesn't mention, thankfully _couldn’t mention_ , is that two third of the staff and the manager excused themselves after the police arrived and returned to work way after the approved break-time was over, looking all flustered and post-orgasmic.

**Author's Note:**

> Years ago Atlin Merrick and I planned a writing project that we called 'The incident reports'. I only vaguely remember that the idea was to write reports (or stories?) corresponding to a small detail that we liked in the other's work. It never really got going but I recently found a folder on my computer and discovered two stories I had already written for this.
> 
> This is related to Atlin's [Minutiae chapter 31](http://archiveofourown.org/works/441850/chapters/786142).


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